he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
