what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
