she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
