fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
