Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
