im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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