I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize