Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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