Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
