Say something about gay babies.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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