Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
