what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
