Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
