Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
