i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
