I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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