I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
