Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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