I cockslap morals
I look better un-naked...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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