I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
