he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
