HIV tests are more positive than that guy
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
