i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
