Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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