were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
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I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
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Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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