Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
