Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
