I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
