When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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