omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
