Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How does one acquire holy water?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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