So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
