At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
