I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish they made helmets for livers.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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