I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
