dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
