Old men and throwing up are my life now.
handjob tips. give me some.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
