also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
