I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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