I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
