i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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