Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
