is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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