Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.