i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
