their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
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She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
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After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did