I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
