Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
