Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
