I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
