Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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