I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
