My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
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the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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