I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
