Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
