What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
