my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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