i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
