Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
