when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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