i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
