i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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